


You'll Never Know How Many Dreams

by CeciliaTallis



Series: It's Been A Long, Long Time [1]
Category: Agent Carter (Marvel Short Film), Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Reunions, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-10-17 04:54:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20615315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeciliaTallis/pseuds/CeciliaTallis
Summary: What happened on the night that Steve Rogers went back to find Peggy Carter.





	1. Chapter 1

Steve Rogers spent Friday, June 4, 1948, walking.

He had chosen the quiet, isolated forest of Roosevelt Island for his arrival before dawn. As the sun rose over the Potomac River, he sat where Bucky had left him after saving his life. His past --- everyone else’s future.

This was the first morning since enlisting in the Army that Steve Rogers didn’t have a mission. He felt both liberated and unmoored. And so he had just started walking.

First, his wandering took him along the river, beneath the summer green of the cherry trees. They were much shorter than he remembered - his first reminder that this was not the Washington in which he had lived. Steve had never known Washington in his time. It was surprisingly quiet, sleepy almost. Geese, rather than SHIELD’s war machines, commanded the sky above.

Next, Steve passed the Lincoln and Washington monuments where he had once lapped Sam time and time again. On the national mall, he saw open space where he knew buildings would someday be. He then walked along Constitution Avenue where he had once fought alongside Natasha —- _Natasha_. His constant friend who had sacrificed all. She wasn’t even born and yet she was gone.

Eventually, his path took him to the Capitol. Steve stood in front of its gleaming white dome. It was a symbol of all that he had fought to protect —but also a reminder of a government that had forced him into hiding after the accords. Congressional staffers walked hurriedly past him and disappeared inside imposing stone facades, reading their newspapers rather than phones. Everyone was so preoccupied that no one recognized him under his hat. Some things never change.

By 5:00, Steve found himself walking down East Capitol Street. During his time in Washington, it had always been his favorite street. The contrast between the green of the trees and the brownstones reminded him of Brooklyn. In 2011, he indulged in pretending that he was back in his 1940s neighborhood for a block or two.

Now he was in 1948 and remembering 2011. He shook his head at the absurdity.

As evening approached, he wandered into Eastern Market. Steve purchased a Coke--- in glass bottle and the way a Coke was supposed to taste. He sat down and watched as people hurried in from work to shop for dinner. It was now after 6 pm. She could be home right now. God, he wished he could drink.

_You’re stalling Rogers. You used a time machine to get here and now you’re sitting here drinking a Coke. What are you doing?_

Steve closed his eyes and took a shaky breath at the thought of Peggy Carter and what he was about to do —- to her life, to his, to god only knew what else. The last time he had been with her, his heart had ached at her silver hair and her confusion from minute to minute. Her brown eyes had been his constant. The timeless link between the frail woman in a hospital bed and the determined warrior who had demanded a moment before he boarded Schmidt’s plane. When she had pressed her lips to his in the midst of chaos. Those eyes had said: You are mine. Come back.

And then he hadn’t.

Instead, she had buried him. And then he had buried her. Steve had carried her to her final rest; he bore a greater weight in his heart that day contemplating all that they had lost to time. And now he was about to knock on her door in a desperate attempt to reclaim it.

Steve watched a little girl take the hand of her father and point out something at the bakery. His mind immediately went to Morgan — and Tony. _Tony._ Tears sprang to Steve’s eyes. His friend, no matter their differences...his friend, was gone. Tony saved the world and yet Morgan would never hold his hand again. So what right did Steve Rogers have to happiness?

And god, what was he risking? What if Bruce was wrong and he made a choice that altered everything the Avengers had achieved. _Stop catastrophizing -- the Ancient One understood more than you ever could._ Morgan still stood in front of him that last day at the lake house — proof that some things could not be changed. And yet, his mind flooded with what ifs of a different sort. This was 1948. What could he change from here? Should he change, if anything? With Hydra… for Bucky?

And what about Peggy’s life? He had seen photographs of her children that day he sat by her bedside. They stared back at him from their frames — agonizing proof of all that he had dreamed of and irrevocably lost. And yet, beloved children just the same. Wasn’t it wrong to ask her to alter that course?

It all felt so … selfish. Natasha had told him to get a life. Tony too, in his own way. But the truth is he didn’t know how. He had come of age, alone, in the middle of a world war. All he had done was defend other people ever since. But standing at the banks of the lake after Tony’s funeral, he had felt bone weary of that burden. He wanted something for himself. And the only thing he had ever wanted was her.

Bucky had known before he said a word.

_“You know, once you put the stones back, you could go find her.”_

_“What?”_

_“Yeah. Go back. Come on, you must have already at least thought about it.”_

_“Bucky. I couldn’t—-“_

_“Why?”_

_“Because … what if ...what if it screws everything up? Everything we fought for…. they died for._

_“Trust Banner - he’s a hell of a lot smarter than either of us. What’s going to be, is going to be. Morgan is standing right there.”_

_“But we don’t know. Besides, Peggy thinks I’m dead.”_

_“You’ve been carrying that picture around since we were back in the war. You said she still had your picture on her desk in ‘70. Come on.”_

_“I don’t know. And how could I leave all of you now, after all this?”_

_“Steve, what more could you do for us? For me?”_

_“I can’t just … abandon my friends. Tony and Natasha are gone. Thor has left. Everyone’s depending on me. And I just came back.”_

_“Steve. You have carried us on your back for long enough. You don’t have to anymore. We are ready to do this.”_

_“If I did … If I went back, I could find you. Stop everything they ever did to you.”_

_“Steve, that’s not —-listen, I can’t explain this right now but we all have our own paths. I have mine. You have yours. Besides, I already know what you’re going to do, so quit arguing with me and go do it.”_

_“What? What do you mean? What the hell are you talking about?”_

_“You’ll know what I mean someday. Right now I need you, for once in your life, to not think about the rest of us and do something for you. Go find her. I’ll be right here when you get back.”_

Steve had embraced his brother, saying nothing to the rest of his friends- not to Sam, not to Bruce. Only Bucky knew. And then he had traversed this planet and beyond to return the stones.

His mission was over. His shield was gone. And so he had chosen to carve out something for himself. That felt profoundly strange. The hammer had deemed him worthy. He wondered how it would judge him now, using time travel for his own selfish desires? Imposing his presence on a woman who had long believed him dead?

Steve pulled out his compass. There she was. It had always been his anchor. During the war, he had made sure she would see it when the press corp was filming — a message that he thought only of her. It was the last thing he had seen as he had guided that ship into the ice. And years after she was gone from this world, he had again placed that compass on the dash of the consol as they jumped through space. Peggy always guided his heart — to have courage, to do the hard thing. That he was meant for something more.

Of all the things that Steve Rogers had lost when he woke up in 2011, she was the one that he could never let go. He had spent many a night alone in a dark room, listening to the song to which he had always imagined dancing with her back during the war— “It’s Been a Long, Long Time.” He had wallowed in the bitter irony of the words. Even Wanda’s induced nightmare had preyed on the unflagging pain of his loss. Could Peggy possibly feel the same way? While Steve knew that she had always cared for him, he also knew for a fact that at some point she had moved on.

_But she held on to your photograph too._ It had been 25 years after his death when he found that frame on her desk in 1970. Maybe Peggy kept that photograph for the same reason he had always kept this compass so close to his heart. Maybe.

Steve Rogers had faced Nazis, Hydra, aliens, and Thanos. And yet none of that had prepared him for the terror presently taking hold of his heart. How could he possibly explain? Would she believe him? _Only one way to find out._

He pulled a piece of paper out from his pocket bearing her address and smirked at himself. As if he needed to read it again. He had said it over and over in his mind ever since Bucky had handed it to him. He stood up, took a deep breath, and walked out of the market into the cool evening air.

And so again, he walked. Not as a ritual of remembering his past. But with purpose - firmly toward his future.

To Peggy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He tightened his grip on the compass, once again an anchor against the swirl of emotions that threatened to rip through his chest.

There it was. A cream colored house with a porch. In the midst of his nervousness, Steve also felt an odd sensation of deja vu. He couldn’t quite wrap his mind around it. 

_ Alright Rogers. Let’s do this. _

Steve took a deep breath, steeled his nerves, and ran up the steps of the porch. He went to knock on the door and then his hand stopped —- hovering above the knocker for a moment. _ Jesus Christ, are you gonna just stand there or what? _ He could hear Bucky’s admonishment as if he were standing next to him. 

Tap, tap.

There. It was done. No going back. 

Steve stood there holding his breath. 

Silence. 

He knocked again. 

Still nothing.

He could feel his hands begin to shake as the rush of adrenaline began to dissipate. Tears pricked behind his eyes. He had played this fantasy over and over in his head. And now she wasn’t home.

Steve stared at the door. Then he looked down and saw a pot with white roses, neatly pruned & shaped. He smiled, despite his disappointment. It was comforting to think of her concentrating on bending the unruly plant to her will, brow furrowed. The mundane in the midst of his extraordinary circumstances. A mourning dove signaled dusk. He had forgotten how quiet even a city could be compared to 2023. 

His mind ran through countless scenarios. Should he wait? Come back tomorrow? What if she was away on a mission? What if she came home … with someone else? 

_ Okay, I can’t just sit here on her front porch to greet her as the guy she thinks has been dead for three years. I’ll just have to try again tomorrow_. And yet the thought of leaving — a place where she had perhaps stood today— was painful. 

Steve stirred himself from his reverie and was about to turn to go when then he heard it —- the unmistakable, determined click clack of heels. Getting louder. Closer. He felt the hair on his arms stand on end. Then his throat went dry. _ Oh god, this is it_. He had always imagined being the one to knock on the door; the one in control of the moment. When would he learn the lesson that was rarely ever the case? 

And then he turned around. 

There she was. Peggy Carter. Frozen before him. Her dark hair and red lips a stark contrast to the pale hue of her face as her brown eyes widened in shock. 

Steve stood absolutely still. He had practiced this moment in his mind over and over but now, standing in front of her, words escaped him. Instead, he stayed silent, letting her absorb the inexplicable sight before her.

A lump formed in his throat. Seeing Peggy as he remembered her was like standing before a memory come to life. But at the same time, there was a surreal newness to her appearance. During the war, Steve had rarely seen her out of uniform. His mind flickered back to that red dress that had made his heart stop. But here she was in civilian clothes -- a smart navy suit and pumps, briefcase firmly in hand. She was all at once his Peggy and yet entirely someone else. 

Peggy’s face shifted from shock to suspicion. Steve willed himself to focus.

He took a step forward. “Peggy I know this …”

“I don’t know who... _ or what _ ...you are, but I’m only going to warn you once to stay right there.”

Her voice was low but strong and clear - a startling contrast to the feeble whisper from her hospital bed. Steve realized in that moment that he had actually forgotten the sound of her voice. 

This guilty realization was quickly cut short as Peggy’s hand slid down her side. His eyes followed the movement and then he realized with horror that she was slowly retrieving a pistol from a hidden holster. A moment later she was pointing it at his head, firmly in command.

And yet, her eyes. They betrayed turmoil, doubt —- they swept up and down his face. Her forehead wrinkled and she bit her lip ever so slightly. 

The tension between them seemed to suspend all else. As much as the sight of her made his heart contract, he also remembered that she was an expert shot. And this time, he did not have a shield.

“Peggy, it’s me. It’s Steve. I — I know this seems crazy but…”

“Stop. I’m going to give you two choices. Either you—“ And with that her voice cracked. 

“Peggy please.” His voice also broke with emotion. “I can prove it. Let me show you.” 

His hand moved to his pocket and she took one step forward. 

“I said, do … not… move.”

Steve paused. And then, improbably, an idea made him smile ever so slightly. He raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. 

“Okay, okay. I guess I don’t have a shield between me and the end of your pistol this time.”

Steve’s head cocked slightly, waiting for her to absorb his meaning. Given all that she had already seen during the war, he had expected her to doubt who he was. He had just forgotten how intimidating standing before a determined Peggy Carter could be. Her face was resolute, staring down a man twice her size. His heart swelled despite the danger. 

The seconds ticked by. A breeze picked up — forcing his hair into his eyes. Without thinking, he pushed it off his forehead 

Her eyes grew wide as the gesture. 

She lowered the gun slightly. 

“Alright, you have my attention. But many people were in the room that day. Tell me something only Captain Rogers would know.”

He quickly pulled out the compass and opened it so that the Peggy before him was staring directly at the Peggy he had carried with him, always. 

“I’ve always kept this with me.”

Peggy stared at the compass. 

“I know that none of this is making sense. But please — just … can we just sit down and I’ll explain.”

He watched as she slowly dragged her eyes away from the compass to meet his gaze. Peggy stepped closer to him, eyes searching. Her steely command slipping as emotion flooded her face. 

“But… but Howard searched for you for _ years….” _She trailed off. Steve had never seen Agent Carter at a loss for words. 

He had promised himself that he would hold back but, in this moment, he was at war with his heart. The love of his life was alive and in front of him. All he wanted to do was put his arms around her. He hesitated, struggling for where to begin. 

“_Prove you are him.” _

This was excruciating. He didn’t have a right to talk of love to a woman who had buried him three years before. And yet he feared that if he didn’t lay it all out on the table right now he may end up surrounded by agents. 

“The moment I knew I was falling in love with you was in the back seat of that car. Right before I … became this. You always saw me — the real me. You said that you knew something about people closing doors in your face too. And it was the first time we ever talked about that dance.”

Silence. 

Peggy took a deep breath. She slowly put the gun back into its holster and smoothed her skirt. 

Then she slowly walked toward him. They were now inches apart. The last time Steve had felt her touch it had been her feeble hand, inside of his. And now she was so close, exactly as he remembered her, that he could hear her breathing. 

She raised her hand to his cheek. It was the lightest of touches. He tightened his grip on the compass, once again an anchor against the swirl of emotions that threatened to rip through his chest. 

Her eyes were filled with tears as she looked at him in wonder. And questions. So many questions. 

“I’m sorry I’m late. I got here as soon as I could.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His tone was respectful but his gaze threatened to undo her.

Peggy felt like she was going mad. And yet if this was madness, perhaps she would give in. 

It was _ impossible. _And yet only Steve Rogers would know what this man knew. The man with the face that she had thought of every day since 1945. 

The last time she felt such riotous joy in her heart was that moment she had seized for herself before he boarded the plane. The only other time Peggy had ever touched his face. And then never saw him again. 

She whispered —

“My darling.”

Her hand moved of its own accord, as if to confirm he was real. He closed his eyes and leaned his cheek ever so slightly into her hand. When he opened his eyes again she felt her heart stutter. Left only with a black and white photograph to remember him by, she had forgotten their blue depths. Now he was before her in technicolor. Had he truly been alive all this time? _ How? _

A couple walked by. The man whispered something and then the woman threw her head back laughing, and took his arm. 

Peggy looked away, then withdrew her hand and stepped back. She had to get her emotions under control and get to the bottom of whatever was going on. She was first and foremost a bloody agent after all. 

She smoothed an imaginary stray hair back into place. 

“Right. Well. Captain Rogers, it appears that we have quite a bit to discuss. Would you like to come inside and have some tea?”

He looked down at the sidewalk and closed the compass. Her eyes followed as he restored it to his pocket. 

Steve dipped his head a bit to meet her gaze. He gave her a wry smile.

“I’d like that very much … Agent Carter.”

His tone was respectful but his gaze threatened to undo her. _ Composure Margaret, _ she told herself. _ Bloody hell, a top asset of the United States government has just appeared back from the dead on your doorstep. _ She tugged smartly at her jacket and walked straight past him up the steps of her porch. She unlocked the door and strode inside.

“Do sit down. I’ll just go and put the kettle on.”

Rather than make eye contact, Peggy busied herself with locking the front door and drawing the curtains. She then turned on a lamp and quickly picked up a pillow and placed it back on the couch just so. All the while she felt his eyes on her. He just stood there, watching her.

She turned to face him. God this was all that she had ever wanted: Steve Rogers _ alive_. And yet it was all so beyond her imagination that in this moment she couldn’t think of the first thing to say to him. 

“Right. About that tea.”

Steve sat down, back rigidly straight but with hands nervously looking for a place to rest. They settled at his sides. He looked at her - his face kind and open. Her chest ached. 

She nodded and then strode to the back of her house to the kitchen. 

Peggy filled the kettle with water and then lit the pilot. After she placed the kettle on the burner, she felt her knees buckle and she grabbed the handle of the stove with two hands. Her knuckles turn white and her emotions threatened to force her to the ground. A silent sob ripped through her chest. 

How was he here… _ in her living room? _ Her mind was racing. Peggy needed answers. She had made SHIELD her life’s work — struggled against all those who undermined her —in part because of him. To honor the man who had saved millions and never come back. 

But Steve Rogers was also the man who she had kissed moments before he died. The man she had loved. She wanted to run back into that room. Hold him so tightly that he could never disappear from her life again. And good lord -- on top of everything else, he had talked about when he had started to fall in love with her. She had just finally —- finally —- shut that away. 

The tea kettle swam before her as tears welled. All of those nights she had held on to his picture, his belongings. She thought back to that night she had said farewell on the bridge while overlooking his beloved Brooklyn. Had it been the same for him? Her head said _ impossible. _But her heart said otherwise. 

She grabbed a dish rag and dabbed under her eyes. As much as he looked like Steve - her Steve - and knew things no one else could possibly know, she had to remain focused. The way he looked at her, his face — god she had forgotten how handsome he was — matched the man she had loved and trusted. But the Steve that stood before her also possessed a quiet confidence that was new. It put her off balance. And she did not like how that felt. 

Peggy had no idea what had happened to him or how he had even found her. Her heart would have to wait. Duty required her to get to the bottom of it. 

She pulled out a tray, two cups and saucers, tea, sugar cubes, and two spoons. The familiar ritual steadied her nerves. As Peggy stared at the tray, she realized that she had never made tea for two at her new home. She spent such long hours at the fledgling SHIELD headquarters that there was rarely time for anything else--or anyone else.

She took a deep breath and walked back into the living room with the tray. Steve sensed her before she even entered the room. And he was looking at her in a way that was not going to remotely aid her struggle to focus.

She smiled despite the tension.

“I had forgotten that.”

“Pardon me?”

“You’re a hard man to surprise, Captain Rogers.”

His shoulders relaxed a bit and he chuckled. 

“Oh you’d be surprised.”

She put the tray down and took a seat across from him. 

“The kettle’s on. Now tell me.”

Steve looked down at his hands, clearly struggling for how to begin. As he met her gaze, she was startled to notice that there was the slightest touch of gray at his temple. Peggy had been so preoccupied that she felt like she was finally seeing 20/20 for the first time since he had arrived on her doorstep. 

There were also lines on his hands. And on his face. _ Odd. It’s only been three years. Perhaps an unexpected side effect of the serum? _

“Peggy, I need you to hear me out because it’s going to sound crazy. It _ is _ crazy. But just know that if I could’ve gotten back to you sooner I would have. Well, I guess in some ways I did….” He made a face and shook his head.

Her brow furrowed. _ What in the world did that mean? _

“Alright, why don’t we start with the plane. What happened? We searched for years. I want you to know that. Howard never wanted to give up. Bloody hell, Howard. We have to ring him! Oh you have no idea how happy he will be.”

Steve nearly jumped off the sofa. “No! I mean — Peggy, you have to keep this a secret right now. I know that sounds weird but ----do you trust me?”

Her response was immediate.

“I trust you.”

He nodded but looked a bit shaken and so she pressed forward. 

“After the radio went out we tried to trace you to...” 

Their eyes locked.

Suddenly, the pain of that memory while she was looking at his face was too much. Peggy played that moment over in her mind so often that she knew the script by heart. It had become almost an abstract ritual of her grief. 

But now he was here. Despite her determination, tears threatened anew. She burst out —

“Oh god Steve, how I’ve played that horrible moment over and over in my mind. I couldn’t do anything to help you!”

He reached forward and gently took her hand in his. 

“Peggy, your voice kept me going. And then I had my compass … and then, well I just kept my eyes on you.”

She stared down at their hands and then met his gaze. Those blue eyes. Peggy’s heart ached anew. No one else had ever understood the agony of that moment. They had tried of course. But there was only one other person in the world who had felt what it was like to be bursting with love for someone and immediately have them ripped away. 

And now he was right there, holding her hands. 

His touch was pulling her under. She felt her body inching forward in her chair.

Then, the kettle whistle sounded like klaxons in her head. 

She immediately withdrew and stood up quickly. Steve looked down at his empty hands and then up at her searchingly.

“I will be back with the tea in a moment. And then you will explain.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve hesitated. This was it. He was desperate for her to understand. And yet, saying his story out loud here in her living room was perhaps the scariest thing he had ever done. He felt like he was on the edge of a cliff. Time to jump.

Steve was reeling. For a moment, he had held her hands in his. And then she had pulled away so suddenly. _ Dammit Rogers, you were dead thirty minutes ago and you’re already trying to hold her hand? Get it together. _

It was just so much. Steve had rehearsed his explanation as he traversed galaxies returning the infinity stones. But now that he had seen her face — her beautiful face —talking about that moment before he went into the ice, he felt overwhelmed. 

Steve had talked about the crash in group therapy time and time again. He replayed that radio call in his head for years as he chased sleep. But for the first time, he could see in her face what it had done to _ her_. The pain in her eyes because of his supposed death had compelled him to reach out — to try to close the wound that was within him as well. And for a moment, he had felt their connection. And then it was gone.

He understood why she was guarded. This all must be such a shock. She had lived her life believing him dead and gone for three years. And Peggy was a brilliant agent. Of course, she would be focused on what had happened and what it all meant. He had prepared for all of that. 

But nothing could have prepared him for the moment that she touched his cheek. Or looked at him with tears in her eyes because of that horrible moment that only they had shared. He was struggling to balance the need to focus with the clamor in his heart. 

Peggy walked back in with tea.

He studied her face. It was calm and in control, the window into whatever she was feeling was closed. 

“Shall I be mother?”

Steve nodded. As Peggy poured the tea, he watched her slender hands, entranced by the ritual. The same hands that had held a pistol so resolutely minutes ago were now elegantly fluttering over the tray. 

She lifted her tea cup to her lips and his eyes followed. They were bright red, precisely lining her mouth. He felt a slight blush creeping as he remembered how many times he had thought about her lips. The only thing that steadied Steve’s nerves was the realization that she had obviously reapplied lipstick during her absence. He allowed himself that small victory.

She gave a small sigh after her first sip. He followed suit and let the warmth calm him.

“Much better. Now, how did you keep the plane from crashing?”

“I didn’t.”

“I don’t understand.”

He took a deep breath. He could get through this.

“I crashed the plane into the ice. The water poured in. And then … the cold took over.”

His words hung there between them for a moment. 

“Oh, Steve.”

He smiled sadly. No matter how many times he told the story he could still feel the icy water flooding around him. 

“The next thing I knew, I woke up in a hospital bed.”

She leaned forward, hands pressed together pointing toward her chin.

“But how did you … who found you? That was three years ago! Where did they bring you?”

Steve hesitated. This was it. He was desperate for her to understand. And yet, saying his story out loud here in her living room was perhaps the scariest thing he had ever done. He felt like he was on the edge of a cliff. _ Time to jump. _

“Not where, Peggy. When.”

“I’m sorry I don’t understand.”

“I know it’s … just listen. SHIELD saved me.”

Her eyes flashed. “Impossible. They never would’ve kept that from me. Howard would’ve known. He would never.” She violently shook her head.

“Peggy they didn’t keep it from you. They told you right away. Except it hasn’t happened for you yet. When I woke up it was 2011.”

Silence. 

“_Good god_. What on earth are you talking about?”

“Peggy, the serum kept me alive in the ice ... for seventy years. SHIELD found me in 2011 and then I lived … there … until 2023. That’s where I’ve been. Well, I suppose ‘when’ I’ve been.”

“So you lived in the future.” She said it slowly, her head bobbing with each improbable word. “But now you’re... _ here_?” Her face was awash with confusion. 

“Yes, it’s a long story but I worked with other people … who have um, abilities too and we… well we saved the world. But in order to do that, my friends Bruce Banner and Tony Star --Um. Well, they figured out how to travel through time.”

And with that, Peggy’s tea cup crashed onto the hardwood floor.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She shook her head at the extraordinary series of answers. Peggy had no doubt in her mind that this was Steve Rogers and that he was telling the truth. However, she forced herself to consider the evidence systematically.

“_Bloody hell._” 

Peggy sprang out of her chair to the floor. All of a sudden, she found herself on her knees, face to face with Steve Rogers who had moved to do the same. 

She felt her heart pounding. Steve had been alive in the ice for _decades. _Then he had lived for _thirteen years_ _in the future_. _And then traveled back in time! _And good lord, there he was — _right there. _Inches from her face. It was an overwhelming assault on both her mind and her senses. 

And so, Peggy quickly busied herself with collecting the pieces of broken china as she tried to steady her breathing and the riot inside her head. Then she felt a sharp stabbing pain to her palm. She gasped.

His voice broke through the tumult within her. “Peggy, you’re bleeding.”

And that was it. The final straw. She sat down on the floor, mess be damned, and just started laughing. 

Steve remained on his knees, eyes wide and frozen.

“Peggy… are you … ok? Here let me see your hand.”

Peggy looked down at where she had cut herself. Then she took a deep breath and met his gaze. He looked so concerned and frightened. She could feel the veracity of this inconceivable story in her gut. 

“So, you lived in the future for 13 years.”

“Yes.”

“And then you saved the world. Again.”

An unmistakable sadness passed over his face. He swallowed hard. 

“Yes.”

“And then you ... traveled through time back to now.”

He nodded solemnly. “Yes.”

She shook her head at the extraordinary series of answers. Peggy had no doubt in her mind that this was Steve Rogers and that he was telling the truth. However, she forced herself to consider the evidence systematically. 

First, this wasn’t a hallucination or a dream. The blood trickling down her palm confirmed that she was certainly awake. 

Second, her training and field experience had taught her how to assess credibility. His earnest emotion was palpable. And the one thing that she still knew about Steve Rogers for certain was that he was incapable of lying. 

Third, her time with the SSR had taught her to believe in stretching the bounds of science. She had once watched the serum transform him in front of her very eyes. So why couldn’t it have saved him as well? And if that insanity was possible, then why not time travel too, frankly? It would explain why he looked so much older than the three years since she had last seen him._ Ha, why the hell not. _

He sat back on his knees and looked down, as if awaiting her judgment. 

“Right. Time travel. Well, I’d like to hear a great deal more about that. But I think we need something stronger than tea, wouldn’t you agree?”

He looked up at her. It took a moment for Steve to absorb her full meaning. And then she watched as relief flooded his face. He gave a sheepish shake of his head as he said, “It still doesn’t do much for me but yeah, I think we could use a drink.”

Peggy could feel the tension easing between them and she couldn’t stop herself from staring at him. Yes, all of this was mad and would have to be sorted. But beyond the how or why, was the fact that Steve Rogers was alive. And they were sitting together on the floor of her living room in the midst of a shattered teacup. It was all so absurd. _Well I damn well need a scotch. _

Steve then leaned forward and his hands hovered over her injured one. He looked up at her, wordlessly asking permission. She smiled slightly and nodded. 

He took her hand with such gentleness that it threatened to shatter her heart. She reveled in watching him inspect it, marveling at the intimacy that felt both natural and foreign all at the same time. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up first. It doesn’t look too bad.”

“Steve Rogers, you are alive and here. It’s impossible. But I believe you. So I can’t even feel my hand right now.”

The smile that stretched across Steve’s face filled her with warmth. It made him look younger, like the boyish Steve of her memories —- _ her _Steve. A lump formed in her throat. 

He rose up with her, still holding her injured hand in his. For a moment, they stood there, just looking at one another. Then he carefully let go and stepped back, awaiting her lead.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bullies in alleys were the same as bullies in uniform. They had shared that understanding of what it was to fight for a place in the world. But this Peggy, was even more vibrant and confident — he felt himself in danger of falling even harder.

“That should do it.” Steve finished wrapping her hand and placed it gently on the kitchen table. 

She quirked an eyebrow at him. “I could’ve done that you know. I’ve dressed worse.”

Steve looked down at the bottle of iodine he was screwing shut and smiled. “I know. Of course. But I’m here.”

“Yes, you are.” Peggy leaned forward and put her other hand on his forearm and gave it a squeeze as she rose from the table. He blinked hard. Steve wondered when even her casual touch wouldn’t make his breath catch in his throat. 

He was so relieved that she believed him. But there was still so much to explain. And that didn’t even begin to scratch the surface as to why he chose to come back here. 

Peggy stood up and removed her jacket, revealing a crisp white blouse. Next, she leaned against the chair and took off her pumps. Steve Rogers may have spent the last 13 years in the future, but the novelty of seeing _ Peggy Carter _in bare feet threw him. He watched, mesmerized, as she padded across the kitchen and took a bottle of scotch and two tumblers out of a cabinet.

After pouring two glasses, she headed out of the room with them in the opposite direction of the living room. From over her shoulder, she called back to him. “Come along. I want to hear all about how you saved the world again and travelled through time.”

He smiled to himself. It seemed that no matter how much time passed, he was always going to follow her lead.

Steve found her sitting on the steps of a small back porch. The evening air was cool and the sound of crickets took Steve aback. The sound of crickets in the middle of Capitol Hill? He really was in 1948.

Peggy patted the space next to her. Steve sat down and accepted a glass of scotch. 

“So you woke up in 2011. Tell me what happened next.”

And they sat there, side by side, for hours. Steve told her about Bucky. Then he went on to describe the strangers who had become his family: Tony, Natasha, Sam, Bruce, Clint, and Thor.

He had promised himself that he wouldn’t withhold the truth from her about anything. It was the one risk that he was willing to take with the variants of a timeline that made his head hurt. He would not come back into her life and lie. Not ever. 

And so he told her about the infiltration of SHIELD by Hydra, the world turning against the Avengers, and, eventually, Thanos. 

Steve occasionally glanced over at her profile, visible only by the light of the moon. She kept her eyes forward and listened. His voice faltered when he got to Natasha and Tony but he pushed on through his grief. When he had finished, he heard her take a deep breath and exhale. Then she turned to face him. 

“You fought another war, Steve. For those who couldn’t fight for themselves. Because that’s what you do. You saved who you could. And you lived.” 

Despite the sprawling insanity of his story, Peggy immediately zeroed in on precisely what haunted him. Just as she had that night so long ago when he thought he had lost Bucky.

And with that, a sob wracked through Steve. He dropped his face into his hands and let the grief wash over him. He had been so alone at first. And there had always been a new evil to fight. Now the fight was over and he was alive, sitting next to the woman he had always loved. But his friends, one way or another, were gone. 

He felt Peggy’s arms wrap tightly around him. He was moved by her compassion and took solace in her strength. Then he let himself, truly, cry. For Natasha. And for Tony. For all of them.

When at last he felt the waves subside, he let out a shaky breath and laughed softly. “I’m really sweeping you off your feet here, huh? I show up after three years back from the dead to see my best girl and end up crying on your porch.” He looked away, sheepish. 

Then he felt her hand on his face and Peggy turned him to look at her. Her bandaged hand then joined on the other cheek. She had tears in her eyes but her voice was firm. “Steve Rogers, don’t you ever apologize for letting me in. That’s who you’ve always been.” 

_ That’s who you’ve always been. _When he had seen the picture from basic training on her desk in 1970, he had marveled at her choice of that photograph to remember him by. Not the countless photographs of him as Captain America. But rather, Steve Rogers, the man that he had always been. The man, who despite all that he experienced since, could feel his stomach flip because his face was in Peggy Carter’s hands.

Her eyes lowered down to her lips for a fraction of a second. He stopped breathing. Then she released his face and wrapped her arms around her chest, leaning forward on her knees. 

“Peggy, I’ve talked your ear off. Tell me about you.”

“I suspect you know a little about that already, don’t you?” 

“Some. And I swear to you I will answer anything that you ask.”

“You said that SHIELD told me. So I’m alive in 2011?”

“Yes.”

She cocked her head. “Well, that’s rather encouraging.” Then more gravely, “Did we — do we —- ever meet again?”

“Yes. I came to see you.”

“My goodness, I must have looked ancient. That must have been something.”

“Still beautiful as ever.” He immediately felt self conscious at how quickly he blurted that out. 

She looked at him, amused. “Oh I rather doubt that Steve but I do appreciate your chivalry, as always. What did we talk about?”

“Well, a bit of what we just did. Your mind …. well. We were just happy to see one another.”

“I see. Was I married?”

Steve hesitated. He felt uneasy with this power of acquired foresight. But if she asked, he would answer truthfully. 

“Yes.”

“To whom?”

“You know, I never knew his name. I didn’t see a picture of him. Come to think of it … I didn’t see him at your funeral either.” The realization struck him as odd for the first time just now. He had been so overwhelmed with the grief of burying her and the impasse with Tony, that he had been a bit wrapped up in his head he supposed. 

“Children?”

“I saw photographs of two children, yes. Never met them either.” She looked at him quizzically but said nothing. 

“Peggy, tell me about your work.”

“Well, after you … died … goodness that sounds strange…. I had…. Well, to be honest, I had a rather rough go of it. Of course so many did after the war. But I reached a point when I had to _ do something again _…”

She stopped. And then she turned her body to face him. “I wanted to honor you, Steve. We all did. To fight for others, to keep them safe — like we did together during the war. And so the rest is ...well, is your history I suppose.” She smiled and shook her head at the strangeness of the statement.

“You didn’t need me to do any of that Peggy. The first time I ever saw you, you were running a division and planning ops. I learned how to lead from you!”

She smiled broadly at that.

“You have no idea how good that is to hear. I know my worth, of course. But it is rather an uphill battle getting men to take me seriously as an agent. It’s exhausting.” She sipped her scotch and sighed.

“It won’t always be like that.”

“Oh? Do we have it all sorted between men and women by 2023?” 

“Hardly. But it is better. I didn’t even mean that though. I mean you, Peggy. Someday, you will lead that agency and your photo will be on the wall of every SHIELD office in the country.”

She outright laughed. “Oh well, that’s something. Good thing I live long enough to see them eat crow.”

Then Peggy told him everything. About Howard, Jarvis, Whitney, Dottie, and Angie. And Daniel. He noticed her voice change ever so slightly. _ Best I leave that be_. 

She grew animated as she regaled him with stories of her exploits. The color in her cheeks rose and she became righteous with indignation at the idiocy of colleagues who belittled her. He listened, spellbound. It filled him with a strange sort of nostalgia. He had lived with the legacy of her leadership - and now she was telling him, first hand, about how it came to be. 

It was also thrilling. Her fire, her refusal to be belittled, is what had drawn him to her so long ago. Bullies in alleys were the same as bullies in uniform. They had shared that understanding of what it was to fight for a place in the world. But this Peggy, was even more vibrant and confident — he felt himself in danger of falling even harder. 

“You know that’s why I joined in the first place. When I woke up — I was so lost. Knowing that you founded SHIELD - well I knew then I should do it. It was your mission and in some ways … that’s all I had left.”

Peggy took that in, visibly moved. She swallowed hard.

“We’re a rather tragic pair aren’t we, Steve Rogers?”

He smiled sadly. 

“Yeah, my friend told me to get a life. I guess that’s why I’m here.”

Peggy didn’t say a word. But she didn’t shrink away or change the subject either. Steve felt his hands begin to shake but he needed to be honest about why he came back. 

“The truth is Peggy, I never got over losing you.”

She remained perfectly still. And so he pressed on.

“When we were traveling through time, I went to New Jersey in 1970. To Camp Lehigh.”

“Oh interesting. We are building an underground facility close to the barracks now.”

“Yeah, believe me, I know. Well, I had to duck out of the hallway for a moment. I ended up in your office.”

Peggy’s eyes widened. “Was I there?”

“Oh you were there. You didn’t see me but boy did I watch you giving it to someone who wasn’t getting the job done.”

“Ha! Well done me.”

“It _ was _ pretty great. But two things changed for me in that moment. First, I saw that you still had my photograph on your desk.”

She looked down and then met his gaze again. That gave him courage. 

“Second, you and I were in the same place again. That was … possible. And all of a sudden I began to wonder, what if.”

Steve stopped. He was getting ahead of himself again. He couldn’t just heap this all on her — his expectations, this burden. 

“Peggy, I’m not here to ask anything of you. That’s not fair. I’ve been gone for three years. You’ve built a life — an incredible life — for yourself. For all I know you’ve already met the guy you’re gonna marry. I just —- I just needed to live back in a world with you in it. It never felt right any other way.”

He held his breath awaiting her response. But she said nothing. Instead, Peggy reached out and traced a line on the side of his face. The sensation was intoxicating. She then reached up and shifted his hair so that it fell down on his forehead again. Her eyes studied him in wonder. Then she smiled.

“I’ll be right back,” she whispered. And then she got up and walked back inside.

Steve was left alone on the porch, his heart pounding in his chest. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peggy Carter always put duty first. She always answered when called. But now there was a clamoring in her heart to seize this moment— for her and for him.

Peggy walked into her bedroom and shut the door. She leaned against it and closed her eyes. 

Steve Rogers is alive. Steve Rogers is from the future. A future where aliens tried to destroy half of all living creatures in the universe. And he came back from all of that —- _ traveled through time — _ for her. Because he never got over her. 

A hysterical laugh escaped from her lips.

Then the sobering problems that all of this information presented came rushing to the forefront of her mind. Hydra was infiltrating her agency - _now_. Sgt. Barnes was a prisoner of war; at this very moment being tortured and experimented on. And then he was going to kill many people. Including Howard. Oh and aliens were coming.

This foresight was an enormous responsibility. She couldn’t even begin to wrap her mind around the choices she would have to make with all of this information; who to save now, what could affect the future. 

And she had to protect Steve. Peggy had just heard about the countless sacrifices that he had made. His grief at the cost had torn at her heart. Ever since that moment he had jumped on top of the grenade, it seemed that all Steve Rogers had done was _ sacrifice. _He had earned a life of his own choosing.

But there was no doubt that it would be _ complicated. _Should they tell Howard the truth? What about SHIELD? What would that mean for the future? Dozens of scenarios flooded her head. 

But then, an inner voice said: _ No. Not now. _

Peggy Carter always put duty first. She always answered when called. But now there was a clamoring in her heart to seize this moment— for her and for him. 

Peggy spent _ two years _ with Steve Rogers during the war. She had been in love with him for most of that time but never said a word. They were at war and her country needed her. And so she had focused on the mission: beating the Nazis, thwarting Hydra --all the while making a bet with herself that once the war was over, they could be together. They would someday dance. That they would have time. 

She had lost that bet. 

Only when he was about to face Schmidt had the fear of losing Steve forever forced her to claim him for herself. Then he was gone. And she had spent three years of her life regretting all of that wasted time.

This was a second chance. Time, fate --whatever it was --had restored him to her. The love of her life was waiting for her outside _ now. _She would not make the same mistake again. Steve Rogers had come back for her. Because he loved her, still, after _ thirteen _ years. The mission could wait. Her heart could not. 

Peggy felt a surge of adrenaline. She would not waste another moment. He had been so open with his emotions. It inspired her to do the same. Although Steve had never presumed to ask, she needed for him to know that although they had lost one another in different ways, it had been the same for her. 

Peggy nodded to herself and then walked over to her nightstand. She took out a box and tenderly caressed the lid. She would show him what was inside that box. Words felt insufficient to convey how precious he was to her.

When she returned to the back porch, Steve was standing against the railing with his back to her. She looked over his tall frame, his impossibly broad shoulders and shook her head a bit. He was as handsome as ever. Still as kind and considerate. And yet he was also different.

Moments ago as she had touched his face, Peggy had marveled at the familiar and the foreign existing all at once in this man. Her Steve — the one somehow still lying frozen under the ice at this very moment — was sweet, heartbreakingly earnest, and a bit boyish. This Steve — the one standing before her — was a confident, world weary man. A man who had fought and won another war she knew nothing about. 

He heard her steps and turned around. “Hi there.”

“Hello.”

Something was different between them. She could feel her stomach flip like it had when Steve had told her that _she_ was late so long ago. It felt like they were on the precipice of something -- as if everything was about to change. She looked down at the box and tightened her grip to steady her nerves. Then she resumed her seat on the step. He sat down one step below so that he was looking up at her.

_ Am I really going to show him what’s inside this box. _The vulnerability of what it would reveal made her hands shake. But if he could speak to her of his grief over lost friends and his love for her, she would steel herself to be as equally open. 

She cleared her throat. 

“After you were gone and the war was over, Colonel Phillips gave me your file. That’s how I have your picture.”

He blinked slowly and stayed silent. She opened the box.

“I held on to all of this. It’s everything from your file.”

She watched Steve’s eyes widen as his hands hovered over the pieces of his life. 

“You kept all of this?” His voice was but a whisper.

“I couldn’t let you go. I would go through this box every night —- just to have something of you again.”

Their eyes locked.

“Steve, that’s not all. The blood they took from you— there was a vial left after the war. I —— I stole it. And then I kept it. That was the very last part of …you that I had left.”

He swayed back a little at her words. Peggy didn’t give him a chance to respond. She feared if she stopped now she may never work up the nerve again. 

“I finally went one night to the Brooklyn Bridge. To look out at your city. See with my own eyes what you must have once looked at -- and at what you had saved. Then I said goodbye to you, my darling. I threw that last vial in the river even though it was all that I had left of you. I refused to let them ever exploit you.”

She met his gaze and saw tears in his eyes. 

“Losing you nearly broke me, Steve.”

He moved forward to reach out and then stopped. His face darkened.

“God, I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for!”

One hand covered his mouth and he leaned away. 

“But you finally got past all of this.”

“Steve, you and I both never ...”

“No. You moved on— which, of course. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. But now I am bringing all of this back up and just …. showing up on your doorstep. Part of me knew that it was selfish and I did it anyway.” He shook his head in disgust.

She watched the turmoil on his face with concern. _ Oh dear. This was not my point. _

“You deserve to live your life as you did. Or you will. God I don’t know— this is crazy!”

He raked his hand through his hair as he stood up. And then he turned around in frustration, walking several paces away. 

“Steve, that’s not why I showed you the box! I was trying to tell you that I also never —“

But he was too worked up to listen.

“Peggy, I’m so grateful that I got to see you again. But now that I’m here … god I feel so selfish. I can’t ask you to change your life for me. I should go before I screw anything else up. I’m so sorry.”

She stood up. Peggy was barely able to make out his figure in the darkness; hearing only his voice. A familiar feeling of desperation rose up inside her. Tears pricked her eyes. _ No. I will not lose him again. _

She marched down the steps right up to him and jabbed a finger in his chest, angrily. 

“Don’t you do that. You don’t get to decide for me. Yes, mourning you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. _ But you weren’t dead! _Steve, didn’t I deserve to know? Maybe more than anyone? I deserved to know that you are alive!” 

His lips parted but he remained silent. He stood there, staring at her.

“Yes, _ you _ decided to come back. But either way, you were always alive. Whether you came back or not, _ I _ was the one living with something that wasn’t true. Now I know! And we -- _ both of us _\-- have a second chance.”

His eyes were filled with emotion but he remained silent. Peggy could feel his maddening resignation at yet another sacrifice. She felt like she was swimming against the tide. It only made her more resolute. 

She stepped even closer. 

“_I _am the one who will decide what my life will be.”

Her voice cracked and then she felt tears hot on her cheeks. But she stood her ground and held his gaze. 

His jaw remained clenched, determined. 

It forced a single word from her lips. 

“Please.” 

And with that whispered plea, Steve Rogers’ swiftly closed the gap between them. He pulled her face with both hands toward him. Then he met her lips with his.

As they kissed, she was flooded with the overwhelming emotion of being so close to him, to actually have him in her arms.

For three years one singular, fleeting moment had played over and over in her mind. Now he was here - his lips gentle and warm. He held her face in his hands as if she were fragile. Peggy clutched at his shirt collar and pulled him closer. He responded immediately as his fingers began to slide into her hair. 

It was _ impossible_. And yet, as she held on to him fiercely, it felt exactly like the way it was supposed to be. Her hands went to his face, his jaw, to the back of his neck. She felt all at once intensely aware of his presence and also as if she was watching it all from above. 

More tears came. Steve pulled away and looked at her searchingly. He brushed away a tear with his thumb. Then softly, “You’re still crying.” His tenderness made her heart feel like it would break into a million pieces. 

Peggy laughed through her tears. “I don’t know why, my darling. I am so happy I feel like my heart could burst out of my chest.”

Steve smiled so broadly that it made her ache with joy. Then he leaned his forehead against hers and they stood there in silence for a moment.

Before she tilted her head up to kiss him once more, Peggy saw tears that matched her own. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She called this a second chance — whatever that meant beyond this moment could wait. Steve couldn’t hold his heart at bay any longer. As long as he held onto her like this, it could never end.

She called this a second chance — whatever that meant beyond this moment could wait. Steve couldn’t hold his heart at bay any longer. As long as he held onto her like this, it could never end. 

Time seemed to be suspended as he kissed her. The surrealness of the moment underscored by flashes of memories. He remembered when she stood before him in that red dress; he had felt an intoxicating high just being close to her. Or his surprise in the midst of chaos at being pulled into a kiss during their last moment together. 

But this? This was a joy that ached. He had lost her. Over and over again. And now she was here in his arms. 

He pulled away and brushed a stray hair off her forehead, his eyes trying to memorize everything about her face in this moment. It was as if he needed to confirm that it was real. Peggy was looking up at him with such love that he felt like he couldn’t possibly deserve it. 

“I love you, Peggy. I ….I have always loved you.”

She gently caressed his cheek and solemnly answered.

“And I you. Always.”

_Always. _And yet weren’t they changing things? What they felt and what had happened...what _will_ happen... were entirely different matters.

“Peggy, of course I’ll stay if you want me to — I came back _ for you. _ It’s just now that I am here it is hitting me that... I don’t know how any of this is supposed to work. We have to ----“

A dog barked and a porch light came on. Peggy stepped back into the remaining darkness but kept a firm hold of his hand, pulling him with her. 

“Oh dear, I was speaking so loudly. The neighbors all thought it was scandalous that I was even living alone. And now I’m outside yelling at a gentlemen in the middle of the night. They’re liable to call the police. ” 

Steve chuckled. “I keep forgetting. Trust me, no one will bat an eye on this street 70 years from now.”

“Well there’s also the minor matter that everyone in the country knows who you are. They might be rather surprised to find Steve Rogers alive and well.”

That simple statement struck him to the core. Indeed, he had never felt so alive. Already, Steve knew that he would never forget the look on her face when she had whispered “please.” Or the rush he felt when she grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him in even closer as they kissed. 

Peggy threaded her fingers through his. The pull between them was forcing all practical thoughts out of his mind.

He took a step toward her.

“_Very _ alive and well in fact.” 

“Yes, well, I think we’ve made that quite clear since I’ve been kissing you out here for all the neighbors to see.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I’m willing to risk it if you are.”

Steve didn’t know where this boldness was coming from but, dammit, he had just kissed Peggy Carter and hadn’t immediately crashed a plane after and so he didn’t really care who knew it at the moment.

She smiled at him in bemusement, taking stock of his playfulness. 

“Is that right?” 

He smiled back and cocked his head in reply. 

Peggy’s eyes flicked up and down his frame. He stood there despite the hammering of his heart, absorbing her inspection and waiting for her eyes to return to his. 

“Get inside, you,” she said firmly and then turned rather dramatically without looking back. She swept up the porch and strode through the screen door. 

The air felt electric. Steve wasted no time following.

As he passed through the doorway, Peggy turned around to face him and pulled his head down to kiss him once again. Next she was running her fingers through his hair. Steve found himself pressing closer and closer, backing her up until they hit the wall. He stopped for a moment — _ what was happening _ ? Then he felt her smiling against him and it felt like a dare. He captured her mouth once again. Her hands were back in his hair. _ God this must be what being drunk feels like. _

Her hands dropped to his lower back and she pulled him even closer. With that, he could feel her pressed against his chest for the first time. Steve had never felt so much want in his entire life. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a small incredulous voice reminded him that he had never kissed a woman like this. Much less _ Peggy_. 

Steve moved his hands into her hair and thrilled at tangling his fingers in those curls. He had always wondered what they would look like when not perfectly arranged and he was going to do his best to find out. Peggy responded by pulling away from his lips and kissing his neck. _ My god she knows what she is doing and I … Ohhh god. I don’t. _

He could hear himself sigh out loud. _ Pull yourself together, Rogers. _ Steve ducked his head to find her lips again and they met his, insistent and demanding. Her hands slipped up to his chest and he leaned into the feel of them there. 

As their kiss grew more intense, he felt Peggy’s right leg begin to wrap around him. The length of their bodies were now pressed against each other. He wanted this — _her_. And he could feel every kiss met with an urgency that matched his own. 

_ It was so much. _Steve felt his knees buckle. He pulled away and placed both hands on the wall on either side of her head. He took a deep breath and looked up at her.

Peggy stared back at him. He could hear them both breathing. Her cheeks were pink, the lipstick gone. Her hair was wilder than he had ever seen it. And the way she was looking at him made him feel certain that his legs would indeed give way. 

They had to think this through before it went any further. This was everything he had ever wanted — more than he had ever imagined. But there were stakes to what was happening and he had to be certain of what it meant for her. 

Steve willed himself to speak.

“Peggy, I ….”

Her expression shifted to concern and she placed a hand on his cheek. 

“What is it?”

He could not be rational up against her like that. He was never going to be able to stammer out a full sentence at this rate.

Steve forced himself to the opposite side of the hallway. 

He extended a hand, as if beginning a detailed explanation. “Peggy, look, I love you.”

She grinned and cocked her head. “So you’ve said.”

Her self assurance was maddeningly attractive. _ Not helpful. _

“We can’t just ...we have to think this through …what are you laughing at?”

“I’m not laughing.” But her eyes were dancing with such merriment that Steve felt a blush steadily creeping up. His hand grabbed the back of his neck and he looked down at his shoes.

“What I’m trying to say is, I don’t know who this future husband is or whatever. You had a family. We need to think about all of this ...we can’t just....”

“Ah.” Her tone shifted. “Steve, darling.”

“Oh god this is coming out all wrong. I swear I thought this all through before I came….”

Peggy put her hands behind her back as she leaned against the wall opposite from him. She looked at him thoughtfully.

“You know, it’s been going around and around in my head ever since you told me about my future. How do you know my husband wasn’t you?”

Steve’s mouth dropped. “_What?_” He was grateful for the wall at his back in that moment. 

“Well, I’m no time travel expert but frankly this all sounds like your friends were flying a bit by the seat of their pants anyway. Let’s say, as your friend explained it, there are different branches of reality. I assume that means a different version of me is somewhere else working on case files tonight, will marry someone else, and I won’t see you again until 2011.”

“Okay.”

“Or…”

Steve’s head hurt. “_Or_?”

“Well, why didn’t you ever meet my husband? Know his name? Or see a picture of him? Meet my children?_ Or even see him at my funeral _—- the scoundrel!”

“I --- I don’t know….” He had no idea where she was going with this. But he knew enough of the brilliance of her mind to pay close attention.

“That doesn’t strike you as odd?”

“I don’t know...I guess I didn’t think about that until tonight.”

“What if that’s because it was actually you all along?”

“What.”

“What if it was you, Steve? _ This Steve. _The one who is standing too far away for my liking right now.”

Steve smiled bashfully and looked away; the blush was returning. His head was swimming.

“What if ….” she said taking one step forward, “what if you and I purposefully hide this from the you in 2011 and after -- to ensure that you would get to this moment right now.” She paused and raised an eyebrow. “That’s what this Peggy Carter would do.”

His mind was reeling. Was she … had he held the hand of _ his wife _ that day in the hospital? All the while mourning that it could never be? Were those pictures … were those _ his children? _The thought flooded his heart with such joy he shook his head.

“Peggy, I …. I don’t know. How _ can _ we know?”

“I suppose we can’t know. Maybe in 2011, I’ll get a phone call that Steve Rogers is alive and then we’ll have a good laugh and sort it. Or maybe some other Peggy is living the life you understood me to have with someone else. Either way, _ this Peggy _ right here? I get to choose.”

He stopped breathing. 

Another step. 

“And I choose you.”

Now Steve was sure that he was grinning like an idiot.

“So you…what are you saying exactly?” He said it slowly. He needed to hear her say it out loud. It had to be her choice. 

Peggy looked at Steve as if waiting for him to catch up. The conclusion was both obvious and staggering all at once. 

“Steve Rogers, we wasted _ two years _ during that war. Other people got married on a whim. We said nothing, _ did nothing _. Let’s not make that mistake again.”

“You want to _ marry _ me? I mean ...Peggy...god it’s all I’ve ever wanted but….”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. _ This is what you wanted. Deep down, you know this is why you came back. Seize it. _

Their eyes locked. It was crazy. But it also felt _ right. _

“Peggy, there was a time when I looked at what Clint or Tony had and it just killed me. I accepted that I’d never have that because I could never imagine it with anyone but you. It was only ever you.” 

She looked at him with a certainty that matched his own. 

“But Peggy, how would this work? Are you sure?”

“Steve Rogers, you have got to be joking. I’m a spy. I’ll sort it.” Peggy laughed. Then she turned serious. 

“Yes. You. Full stop.”

She closed the gap between them and kissed him tenderly on the lips. Then she pulled away and grabbed his face with both hands. 

“Have we got this quite sorted for now? We will figure out the how. _ I love you. _ If you think I’m going to let a single thing stop me from being with you now that I’ve gotten you back, well then you underestimate me.”

He grinned. “I would _ never _ do that.”

She nodded in approval and then kissed him fiercely. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then, she looked up at his face. His eyes were locked on her as well. In them, Peggy saw only what she too felt — nothing but this mattered. The two of them, like this.

From the moment Peggy had stood in front of Steve Rogers after he emerged from Dr. Erskine’s chamber, she had thought about touching his chest. Indeed, she had nearly done so in front of a room full of colleagues. Frankly, it was embarrassing how often her mind had returned to that moment. _And now she was._ It was …. it was all so much that she felt giddy.

She had him pressed against the wall, her hands flat on his chest. Their mutual decision minutes ago seemed to dispose of whatever reserve remained between them. His hands were on her back, the back of her neck, in her hair. God it made her dizzy. 

And yet, it wasn’t enough. Peggy pulled away. She looked at him, saying nothing. Then, she took his hand and silently led him down the hall into her bedroom. 

How this man could embrace her so fiercely and then five seconds later look so adorably terrified was a mystery that made her love him even more. Steve Rogers had saved the world and yet at this moment was visibly nervous while surveying her bedroom. It was all so endearing that she felt emboldened by his reticence.

Not that Peggy quite knew what she was doing either. But she knew enough and that only pushed her forward. She wasn’t going to let fear get in the way of what she wanted. And what she wanted was him. Now. 

She sat down on the bed and tugged on his hand. Steve remained standing. 

“Peggy, I … I have to ask two more questions.”

She smiled and cocked her head. 

“Alright. What’s the first one?”

He swallowed hard. 

“I want everything to be … as you would have wanted it originally. I mean, it _ is _1948\. Would you rather wait until we are … until I’m your … husband?” He paused. She suspected that he felt the same thrill as she did at the wonderful improbability of that word right now. 

Peggy looked up into those blue eyes. And despite the way they were looking back at her, she tried to maintain her composure for just a few moments more. She was touched. But also amused. 

“Steve, I think one thing that you know about me is that I make my own rules in this world. I know what I want. And I think we’ve waited quite long enough, don’t you?”

Steve slowly knelt in front of her. He remained silent and just looked at her. She felt like the room was about to spin. Never taking his eyes off of her face, Steve took Peggy's hand and kissed it tenderly in response.

Then he slid his hand along her jaw and guided her to him. Steve kissed her lips slowly, as if making a solemn vow. She was moved by the emotion that such a simple gesture unlocked in her chest. They would make their promises to each other here and now.

Peggy’s hands skimmed along his shoulders and then she pulled away to kiss his neck. Her hands moved to the top button of his shirt. She felt him go still. Her bandaged hand caused her to fumble with the button and so he put his hand over hers and said softly, “Let me.” She watched, mesmerized, as he undid each one. As he reached the final button she leaned forward and slid the buttondown shirt off his shoulders. And there he was, in only his thin undershirt. 

“Peggy, I …. I’ve never ….”

“Neither have I, my darling. I take it that was the other question?” 

A shy smile spread across his face and he pressed his forehead to hers. 

She slid her hands down his chest until she could tug on his undershirt and he then lifted his arms compliantly. There he was as he had been on that day so long ago. Sweet lord, how was she going to hold herself together. 

Steve moved closer and his hands went to her top button in return. He looked at her as if asking a question. Something inside of her wanted to break through his restraint. And so, in response, she leaned back and placed both hands flat on the bed on either side of her body. 

“My hand is injured after all.” She smiled wickedly. She delighted in watching his jaw clench. 

But then a determined look came over his face which shook her to her core. With each button, Peggy felt her heart stammering and she didn’t know how much longer she was going to be able to maintain this facade of a calm. Steve Rogers was half naked in her bedroom and now she was in nothing but a bra and a skirt. _ My god this is really happening_. 

He traced her collarbone as he kissed her gently. Peggy’s hands went to her back and she managed to unhook her brazier despite her bandage. And then, Peggy pulled him on top of her and they lost all pretense of control as they scrambled backwards onto the bed. 

She was struck by his size, the strength of his body, as it stretched out on top of her. She had seen what he was capable of. But it was another matter entirely to have his body against her like this. Her hands suddenly trembled as she touched his bare chest for the first time. 

He pulled back for a moment, his hand hovering by the side of her head. Then he kissed her softly as he stroked the side of her face. She felt a calm wash over her as she leaned into his touch. No matter the size or power of his body, it had always been his heart that had first drawn her to him. The gentleness of this man and the love she felt for him threatened to bring tears to her eyes once again.

But Peggy also felt something else rising up inside of her. She wanted more. She arched up and gripped his back with urgency. Steve shifted slightly and ran one hand up her stomach. She felt herself clench at what that threatened to unleash within her. Then he paused and gently cupped her breast. He was so tentative that it drove her mad. 

Her hand flew up to his and pressed harder. She lifted her body up toward him as if issuing a demand. Steve response was swift. He took a firm hold of one breast as his mouth claimed the other. She heard herself gasp at the feel of his mouth on her body. It was wet and warm, spreading a pleasure through out her that she never could have imagined. 

Peggy’s hand grabbed a hold of his hair and pressed him closer. He groaned in response and her eyes widened at the sound. It was thrilling to have that effect on him. She threw her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes, overwhelmed at the power that this had over her. Steve’s hand then began moved to her waist and down her leg to push her skirt up. As his hand skimmed up the inside of her thigh, she felt an agony of impatience that surprised her. Peggy pulled his face to hers, demanding his mouth. 

His hand was strong and firm as it touched her below. Any tentativeness was gone. He began to move it slowly as he kissed her. Gradually, Peggy began to find a rhythm against it. Her focus narrowed to only the movement of his hand — and the sensation that the determined circles wrought. She could feel the restrained power of his hand against her body as she grew wet in response. Her hands clamored to his shoulders to find something solid to orient herself. 

Peggy broke away from his kiss and buried her face in his hair. She moved her own hand down to close over his, driving him onward as much as she was also coming undone. She soon lost all sense of herself and her fingers dug into his shoulders, an anchor as she chased the sensation. The feeling between her legs began to build in intensity. Suddenly, she feared the loss of control so soon. _ No, not yet. _She wanted to have him inside her, to chase this feeling with him. 

An idea occurred to her. She shifted away and then used her leg to flip Steve on to his back in one move. He looked startled and …yet pleased with her swift maneuver. 

“How did you….”

“You’re not the only one who has skills, Captain Rogers.” It was thrilling to use their old formality with him pinned down to the bed beneath her. Her nerves had given way to a boldness that felt natural with him. 

She firmly planted a knee into the bed on either side of his body and undid the buckle of his belt while holding his eye contact. Next, she undid the buttons of his pants. He looked down in awe of what was happening and she smiled to herself. Only Steve Rogers could look like he did and find wonder in the fact that she was making quick work of taking off his pants. 

Peggy unzipped the back of her skirt and shifted off of him to remove her skirt, garters and hose. A time would come for a more elegant seduction but tonight was not that night.

His briefs were all that remained. Her frenzy skidded to stop. The way he was looking at her made her breath hitch. It was desire, certainly. But it was also love. Peggy felt the tears prick again. She moved her hair to one side and leaned forward to kiss his forehead, his cheeks, his lips, his neck, down his chest. Slowly, reverently. She loved this man beyond reason. She would show him now in a way that words could not convey. He sighed deeply and shuddered, tangling his hands in her hair. 

She pulled at his briefs and his hand swiftly — god he was fast---pushed them down and his legs did the rest. 

There was nothing between them now. They stared at one another. Peggy simultaneously felt a rising excitement and a surprising wave of nerves. As much as she wanted him, she also had never done this before. The look on his face matched her own awe at the significance of the moment. 

Then Steve promptly turned the tables and with one arm lifted her up and lowered her beneath him once again. The power in that move took her breath away. They stayed that way for a moment — looking at one another in wonder with his arm still encircling her body. 

The thrill at being held like that by him with nothing between them, skin on skin, drove her to reach down. Peggy wanted him inside her now. She ran her hand down his stomach and grasped his length. His eyes darkened and he swallowed hard. She moved him into position and then reached up to touch his face with her other hand. She needed to focus on him as they crossed this threshold together. 

Steve looked at her searchingly and she kissed him firmly in response. Then she watched him close his eyes and she felt him press in. She felt pain at first as she stretched around him and sharply inhaled. He immediately began to pull away. 

“Don’t you dare.” She grabbed his backside and pulled him back in, deeper, willing herself through the discomfort until they began to find a rhythm. Peggy was conscious of the power of his body as he moved inside her. She could feel the tension of his restraint. It felt like a challenge. She wanted him to lose control. 

“God, Peggy” he breathed in her ear. There was power in hearing her name said in that way. She grasped the back of his head with both hands and kissed him fervently. She began to feel pleasure stir as a result of his movements and her hips responded. The sensation of kissing him as he moved inside her pushed all other thoughts from her head. She didn’t know where he began and she ended. 

He moved slowly, almost cautiously. She could feel every inch of him and it was exquisite torture as she awaited each return. But soon, she could feel him driving deeper, remaining inside of her. The contact where they were joined heightened her pleasure. 

As their pace quickened, his kisses became needier. Peggy was breathless at the power of his body but she strove to match his urgency as her hips met his over and over again. She was stunned at the physical strength beneath her hands that seemed to be at her mercy. 

Peggy slid one leg up the side of his body and wrapped it around his hip, gasping as that drove him deeper. The angle made her throw her head back at the increased intensity. She felt her head hit the headboard. His arm reached up to grasp the top of it. Peggy needed to chase this feeling. She took a hold of Steve’s arm as she hitched her other leg around him. 

Then, she looked up at his face. His eyes were locked on her as well. In them, Peggy saw only what she too felt — _ nothing _ but this mattered. The two of them, like this. 

Peggy could feel herself begin to lose control again, a wave building as she arched closer to him, pressing her breasts against his chest. He released his hold on the headboard and she felt the full weight of his body on top of her own. 

Maybe she was making sounds —she could hardly know at this point — because he groaned loudly and drove a hand into her hair and behind her head as he buried his face in her neck. His other hand reached under her and pulled her hips even closer. He somehow found an even deeper part of her and the pressure against where they were joined became overwhelming. 

Her body began to shake and her hands shifted up to hold on to his back for dear life. Peggy could feel the muscles of his back working under her hands. But then she started to lose track of her other senses as the pleasure built. She tightened her thighs around his hips — willing him to be closer, deeper. Her entire focus was the feel of him inside her. All of a sudden, she clenched around him as waves rolled through her body. Peggy felt as if she was falling. She held onto the solidness of his body as it washed over her. And then she called out his name into the darkness as she finally succumbed. 

That did it. His body began to shudder against her and he lost the rhythm they had found together. Then Peggy felt the tension give way. She wanted it — for him to surrender his body to her completely. She tightened both of her legs around him, willing him to let go. He reciprocated with his arms. Nonsense tumbled out of his mouth. 

With a final thrust, she felt his entire body spasm. The force of it shocked her as the bed shook beneath them. Peggy could hear the headboard rattle above her as she held him. Then he collapsed on top of her, spent. 

They lay there for a moment, stunned. Peggy listened to his heavy breathing and felt the pounding of his heart so close to her own. 

Finally, Steve lifted himself up onto his arms. 

“Oh god, I must be crushing you.” He began to pull away. 

Peggy grabbed him tightly. Words failed her. She could not bear to let him go. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her head in his chest, overcome with emotion at what they had just shared. Steve silently kissed the top of her head. 

Of all of the things Peggy Carter had lived through in her life, this was the most improbable. And the happiest. 

She wanted to hold onto it forever.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nervousness of last night was behind him. Steve felt free. They were equals in this as in everything else. And as new as it all was, it also felt like coming home.

Steve felt the warmth of sunlight on his face before he opened his eyes. 

For a moment he was afraid that when he opened them, he would be alone and waking from a dream about Peggy. As he had for years. But that frightening thought was quickly dispelled by a tug of the covers. 

He opened his eyes and there she was next to him, still sleeping. Peggy’s bare shoulder was peeking out from under the sheet and her dark hair splayed out in wild glory on the white pillow. He couldn’t help but stare. 

The last twelve or so hours had been a total catharsis of emotion. Memories of last night came flooding back — the adrenaline of approaching her house, the doubt of his choices, Peggy striding toward him defiantly, and her confidence that their future one way or another belonged together. After thirteen years of longing, he was going to marry Peggy Carter. He couldn’t believe all the he had ever wanted was going to happen. 

His eyes traveled from her shoulder to her collar bone and then the curve of her neck. Then his mind played back all that had happened between them in this bed. _ My god. That happened. _He looked up at the ceiling and covered his face with his hands as he grinned. 

A voice interrupted his revery. 

“So, was it worth the 70 or so year wait?”

Steve peeked over at her with one eye open and there she was, observing his small freak out with amusement. 

He tried to recover his composure and shrugged nonchalantly. He teased, “A lot happened last night. Which part?”

Peggy gasped in mock outrage and Steve laughed so hard that he clutched at his chest. God it felt good to laugh that hard. 

She pushed at his shoulder until he relented. Then he turned to face her, smiling. Steve marveled at how easy it was between them. He couldn’t believe that he was face to face with Peggy in her bed. And yet at the same time, it felt exactly right.

She whispered conspiratorially, “Thank god it’s Saturday. You know I can’t think of a Saturday since coming to Washington that I haven’t gone into the office.”

Steve chuckled. “I think we’ve both earned a weekend off, don’t you think?”

“Quite right. Oh dear, what _ are _ we going to do about Howard?”

Steve put his hands under the pillow and inched a little bit closer. 

“I don’t want to ask you to lie, Peggy. But we have to really think through who we tell and how much they can know.”

“Yes, of course. We will game this out together.”

He smiled at her knowingly. “You’re already planning countermeasures against Hydra in your head aren’t you?”

“I may have a few ideas.”

Steve knew that they had a mountain of decisions to make together. But for now, he wanted to hold all of that at bay as long as he could. He had waited thirteen years to be with her like this. He wanted to relish it.

“How about… how about just for today, we sleep in instead?”

She raised an eyebrow.

“How about we don’t?” 

And then Peggy was on top of him, holding the sheet to her chest. Her dark hair fell down around her shoulders and her other hand lay flat on his chest. 

Now that he knew what it could be between them, Steve didn’t know if he would ever want to do anything else. He reveled in how she pressed against him and could feel himself hardening against the weight of her body. Their eyes locked. She seemed to want him as much as he was consumed by his want of her.

It was staggering to see Peggy like this in the daylight. Steve traced her skin just above the edge of the sheet. His hands trembled at the anticipation of seeing her body truly for the first time. Despite what they had shared last night, there was so much more that he wanted to discover.

Slowly, Steve slipped the sheet down. His fingers touched her skin ever so lightly as they revealed her body to him. She remained perfectly still, watching him look at her. 

His eyes swept over her breasts. Although he had fantasized about Peggy, he never could have imagined the way looking at her would make him feel. The soft curves, the smoothness of her skin. He remembered the way they had felt to touch, to taste. The nervousness of last night was behind him. Steve felt free. They were equals in this as in everything else. And as new as it all was, it also felt like coming home. 

He took his palm and ran his hand slowly between her breasts, just grazing them. Peggy’s eyes darkened. Time seemed suspended. There was a tantalizing power in seeing how her desire matched his own. Then he raised his mouth to take one nipple in his mouth, while both of his hands took hold of her breasts. He could hear her gasp from above and he reveled in the soft firmness that filled his hands. 

Steve felt her hands grasp the back of his head and she guided him up to her lips. God the way she kissed him felt like a surrender and a challenge all at once. He wanted to make her say his name out loud again like she had last night. It had sent him over the edge. He could feel his body respond to the memory. 

Steve’s hands moved down to her hips and he took hold of their soft roundness as they kissed. He loved the curves of her body and how they felt against the hardness of his own. And yet as her hips began to move against him, he trembled at her power to undo him too quickly. His hands grasped her backside to steady himself against a wave of desire. 

Peggy moved her hands to either side of his face as she deepened her kiss. She held much more than that in her hands. It always came back to this. Of course there was want. But it was driven by his love for her — and a desire to show just how much More than anything, he just wanted to be close to her. To be one. 

She pulled away and began to kiss his neck. He heard himself make some kind of noise in response to the feeling of her wet mouth against his neck combined with the movement of her hips. This time he could also _ see _ her. The glimpses of her bare shoulder, the curves of her breasts, her dark hair —- only heightened the intensity of his want. And now he knew what awaited him on the other side. 

Peggy then kissed his chest. The press of her mouth, it’s warmth and softness combined with its insistence, made him tingle. Steve tangled his hands in her hair and let his head fall back on the pillow. But then the kisses began to shift down. She made her way down his stomach and he shuddered. Something in his mind clicked as she reached the hairline of his lower abdomen. _ She was not stopping. _

Startled, he lifted himself up onto his elbows. “Peggy what are you …. oh god.”

Peggy looked up at him. Steve could deny her nothing. He remained motionless as her fingers traced their way down. It was mesmerizing. Steve felt a thrilling anticipation. Her fingers softly stroked his length. He felt as if he was watching this all from above. 

Then her tongue traced the tip as one hand wrapped around the base. He dug his fingers into the mattress. Steve felt like he was on the edge of a cliff. 

He watched her lips close around him and she drew him into her mouth. The sensation of filling her mouth while her eyes remained fixed on him caused him to stop breathing. It was too much. Steve fell back on the bed, arms thrown over his face, utterly at a loss to cope with the sensation. _ Dear god no wonder the guys in the barracks always talked about this. _

Peggy’s hands took control of his hips and he gasped. He was completely at her mercy. But god it felt good to surrender to her. As she found a rhythm, he felt his hips driving himself into her mouth of their own volition. It was different than when they had made love last night. She was doing this for him and her control was complete. He moved his hands into her hair out of a need to connect with her. To communicate how good this made him feel.

Steve felt her fingers press into the flesh of his hips as she took him ever deeper. He quickly felt himself dangerously close to losing control. Her hands shifted up to caress his stomach and her touch there, combined with the warmth of her mouth, was overwhelming. She was driving him toward an abyss. 

As tempting as it was to give in, he didn’t want it all to be over just yet. Steve gritted his teeth and willed himself to pull her up gently. She looked at him in confusion. He had to act swiftly if he was going to maintain any semblance of self control. So he scooped her up with one arm and lay her flat on the bed beneath him. 

She gasped, “How do you keep doing that?”

He laughed and threw his hands up in mock humility, “Look, I’m very fast and I’m very strong. That comes with pros and cons for you.”

“_Indeed_.”

Steve smirked and chuckled at her cheeky tone. He loved how easy it was between them. That they could make one another laugh even when they were in bed like this together. 

Then Steve looked at Peggy. The morning light poured through the window next to the bed. He felt his chest cleave as he took in her dark hair tumbling all over the pillow, her swollen lips, and her bare breasts rising and falling as she breathed. God she was so beautiful like this. He wanted to make her feel the way she had just made him feel. To drive her to that same surrender because of him. 

Steve stretched himself over her and placed his hands flat on the mattress on either side of her head. He extended his arms so that there was space between them. He watched as Peggy’s eyes swept over his body. Steve waited for her to meet his gaze. Once she did, he smiled slowly and her eyes widened. 

He would force himself to be restrained. To know her body the way that he wanted to would require time and control. 

Steve lowered his head to kiss her. He ran his tongue slowly along her lips, a promise of what was to come. Her body arched up but he denied her the contact. He would control that space between them until he arrived at where he now intended to go. 

Steve kissed her neck slowly. He could hear her breath quicken and he felt a charge of excitement at having this effect on her. Steve lowered his arms slightly to kiss the space between her breasts. Peggy shifted her body, urging him to attend to her breasts but he stayed his course. She whimpered slightly as he dipped his head to kiss the softness of her belly. It was killing him but he would not give in to their mutual desire for contact. _ Not yet. _

He began to shift down and he felt her grasp his bicep. 

“Now what are _ you _ doing?”

”Countermeasures.”

Steve thrilled at the look on her face. He shifted his weight onto the arm that she was holding and ran his other hand slowly up her leg. He watched Peggy bite her lip. When he reached the top of her thigh he slid his hands between and gently parted her legs. He took one last look at her face and then lowered his head to kiss the inside of her thigh. He then pressed her leg down to the side as he lowered his body into the space between. 

Steve swallowed hard. God he hoped he did this right. He slid both his hands along the inside of her thighs, caressing them. She shuddered at his touch and this spurred him to take the next step. 

He gently moved his mouth onto her. He could feel himself respond to the intimacy but he willed himself to focus. Steve then took a deep breath and began to stroke her with his tongue. His hands reached up and splayed across her belly, gently caressing her. Steve needed her to know that she could relax, that this was all for her. 

Peggy lay perfectly still until he seemed to reach a spot that caused her hips to move. Her fingers in his hair encouraged him to continue. _There we go. _Steve smiled against her, flooded with joy by her response. He would follow wherever her body told him to go. 

He slid his hands under her thighs and wrapped his arms around them so that he could hold her hips. She was so open to him now. The feel of her thighs around his head and the slickness against his lips were having their own effect. His body involuntarily pressed against the mattress seeking a relief of its own. 

The power of having that effect on her was like a drug. He reveled in every moment that he caressed her body with his mouth and hands. Steve knew that he was doing something right when he felt her hands begin to tug desperately at his hair. It spurred him to redouble his efforts. Then he felt her heel dig into his back and he raised up on his knees, shifting forward to increase the pressure and pace. He would drive her to feel what he had. 

As she arched up he could see glimpses of her breasts rising and her mouth open as she threw her head back. He tightened his grip on her hips and greedily chased her undoing. Steve’s arms anchored her body against the bed. He would hold her there as he desperately matched her momentum. He could feel how close she was. 

Then her legs began to shake around him. Her hips strained against his hands. Her thighs clenched on either side of his head. He felt a rush of adrenaline as he sent her over the edge. 

Then Peggy collapsed beneath him exclaiming “Bloody hell, Steve!”

_ He had done it. _It was the best sound in the world. Steve knew that he would chase hearing his name said like that for the rest of his life. 

Steve exhaled and made his way back up the top of the bed. _Well that went better than I could’ve hoped._ _Thank god I paid attention to everyone else’s stories. _

She lay there, eyes closed and one hand over her forehead. Sweat beaded on her breasts. _ I did that. _ Steve Rogers had never felt more powerful. 

“Well done, soldier,” she breathed with her eyes still closed. 

Steve smirked. He propped his head on one hand and gently moved her hair off her face. He could get addicted to seeing her in that state because of him.

She opened her eyes to look at him. “However, you forgot something.”

He immediately felt sheepish at prematurely congratulating himself. “Oh no, what did I ….”

This left him open to her attack. Peggy quickly pushed him up against the headboard and had her legs on either side of him. Her face was resolute and Steve’s heart stammered in his chest. He was about to reap what he had sown. 

Peggy took both his hands and held them against the headboard. Then, while holding his gaze, she lowered herself onto him. The ease with which he was once again inside of her made him gasp. Last night it had been gradual — this was everything all at once. Steve looked up at her, helpless, as her brown hair fell down around his face. 

Peggy remained still for a moment, looking at him as she held his hands above his head. Being inside of her like this was agony. There was no doubt who was in command now. 

He asked breathlessly, “What did I forget?”

She raised an eyebrow and smiled in a way that made him stop breathing. 

“You forgot that I wasn’t finished with you yet.” 

Then she kissed him languidly as she finally moved her hips. Her motion mirrored the leisurely pace of her lips. She moved along his length at an excruciatingly deliberate pace. Peggy knew exactly what she was doing to him and he was powerless to do anything about it. 

She kept his hands above his head and then sat up, using her other hand to brace herself against his chest. Steve was left only to respond with his hips, all sensation concentrated where they were joined. 

Steve looked up at her and their eyes locked. There was no shyness between them. Here in the light, he could watch her body as it moved on top of him — her breasts moving up and down, the determined look on her face. The feel of being inside of her while also watching her was overwhelming.

Steve felt every inch of himself cry out every time she moved along his length until she came back and took him entirely inside of her. But when she did, it felt so right that he was happy to be at her mercy. 

Soon, Peggy’s pace began to quicken. He watched as she closed her eyes and the deliberateness began to give way. They would chase this together. 

She let go of his hands and he was finally free to grab her backside, pushing her closer, deeper. Her mouth became as greedy as the pace of her hips. God she felt so good on top of him. He could not last much longer. 

Steve felt Peggy’s body crash onto him as she drove him toward a release. Finally, he could feel her entire body against his own. What he had denied them before was all that he needed now. He slid one hand up her back and pressed her closer to him. 

Their foreheads touched as her hips began to lose a steady rhythm and they gasped together. He tightened his hold on her and chased the pleasure building inside him. Peggy clenched around him and he felt her hands desperately grab hold of his shoulders as her legs shook against him. He could now let go. 

And then Steve finally surrendered to the abyss. 

******

After, Peggy lay with her head on his chest, lazily tracing circles. She looked up at him, chin resting on his chest, and studied his face. 

“You know, you’re a little bit … different than I remember.”

“Well I’m an old man now compared to you, Peggy. I just hope I can keep up.”

She let out a deep, throaty laugh. Steve had never heard that laugh. He realized it was because he had never seen her so carefree. It made his heart pinch. 

“Oh I have no worries on that front.” She traced a line down his stomach that made him shudder. 

Then more seriously, “No. I don’t just mean older. You’re as charming as ever Rogers, but there’s a new ...confidence that I am rather enjoying.” 

He laughed. “Oh boy, I sure didn’t feel that way last night.”

She lowered her head down on his chest and then looked back up smiling as she shook her head. “My god we were both a mess.”

He chuckled and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. 

“You’re a little different too. I was always in awe of you Peggy. But you’ve somehow become even more … well you’re a force of nature. Nothing is ever going to stand in your way and god I love you even more for it.” 

She reached up and kissed him, smiling. Then she pulled back and traced a line on his face. She looked thoughtful for a moment.

Then, Peggy leaned in and whispered, “We became who we were supposed to be. And then you came home.”

He felt his throat tighten at her wisdom. And for the first time since he had awoken to the sound of that baseball game on the radio that was all wrong, Steve Rogers felt at peace.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As she turned it around in her hand with reverence, Peggy marveled at where this compass had been in time and beyond. Like the man she loved, it had been to the future and to space. And had come back. To her.

The second time Peggy opened her eyes that morning, she could hear traffic outside and felt a gnawing sensation in her stomach. They must have dozed off. 

Her head was still resting on Steve’s chest. She listened to his heartbeat and felt his chest rise and fall under her cheek. Just yesterday Peggy had awoken in this bed alone. She smiled to herself in wonder.

Peggy shifted carefully so that she wouldn’t wake him. She was grateful for this stolen moment that allowed her just to look at him. Her heart ached at the joy of waking up to Steve Rogers. His face as of yesterday morning had existed only in a photograph and her memories. Now he was peacefully asleep right before her eyes. Peggy felt a surge of fierce love for this man who had been through so much, given so much. She would protect him at all cost. 

Then his eyes opened and their blue depths caught her staring. They twinkled with amusement. Steve smiled widely and she was certain her face matched his own. 

“Well good morning, again.”

She reached up and brushed his hair off of his forehead. 

“Good morning, my darling.”

He caught her hand and kissed it. _ Steve Rogers, you lovely romantic_, she thought to herself. He folded her hand in his and held it to his chest. 

“You must be starving. Go back to sleep. I’ll make some breakfast.”

Peggy cocked her head, confused. 

“Pardon me?”

“You heard me. Can’t I make breakfast for my best girl?”

“Certainly … it’s just … you cook?”

“I think you’ll find there are benefits to being married to a man who’s been to 2023.”

“Is that right?” Peggy raised an eyebrow suggestively. He smirked. She felt that pull between them. There was still nothing between them under the sheet. It was quite possible that they would never leave this bed and starve. 

Then Steve shook his head laughing and pulled her tightly to him. “You are something, Peggy,” he said as he chuckled. She rubbed her head against his chest and sighed happily as she felt his fingers begin to play with her hair. 

“Ok, I can hear both of our stomachs growling. Seriously, you’ll be running that office before you know it, so sleep in while you can. Let me make us something.” He paused and then, “Besides, you’ll need to keep your energy up.”

Peggy could hear the mischievousness in his voice and she popped her head up in surprise. He winked and it was her turn to laugh. 

Steve Rogers flirting? This was new. She liked it _very much_. But, she was in fact famished and his offer was rather adorable. And so Peggy acceded by kissing his chest. Then she rolled off of him and purposefully took the sheet with her. 

He looked at her in shock. In response, she propped her head upon one hand and smiled wickedly. “Your clothes are … all over.” She gestured generally to the floor. 

Steve nodded slowly. “I see how it is,” he said laughing. “Ok then.” 

And then he took the dare and stood up. Her eyes greedily drank in all that was before her. How was she ever going to get anything done again now that she could have Steve Rogers in her bed? 

He began to search for his clothing which was scattered all over the floor. She stifled a laugh as he shook his head upon finding his pants a good six feet from the bed. It almost seemed a waste to let him go to all this trouble. All Peggy could think about was how she would get them off again the next chance she got. 

He finally located everything and set to getting dressed. As Steve was buttoning his shirt, their eyes met and he smiled at her. Peggy felt like her heart would burst. God she loved this man. How could one day change everything? 

Once he reached the top button, Steve looked at her pointedly. 

“Oh all right.” She flopped her head down on the pillow dramatically. Satisfied, he turned to go.

Peggy couldn’t take her eyes off of him as he walked across her room. She never wanted to be away from him again. Her breath hitched when Steve turned back to look at her once more._ It is the same for him. _She felt his loving gaze wash over her and then he smiled shyly before disappearing into the hallway. 

Then Peggy was alone for the first time since she had demanded that he stay. 

_ As if I could sleep._

Peggy turned over and dropped her face into the pillow where he had just been, wrapping her arms around it. She breathed in his scent. It flooded her with a series of images from last night and earlier this morning. Impossible, overwhelming images of the way they were together. _ Would be together._

Peggy had long felt that tether between them — the way he would look at her during strategy meetings during the war; how he had stepped to her in the hallway when they had briefly united during the firefight against Schmidt. But she _ never _ could have imagined the reality. 

Then Peggy’s mind suddenly went back to his misunderstanding of the meaning of fondue and she stifled a giggle. _ Well he certainly understands women now. _

What she felt with him was all consuming. Last night had been staggering but this morning had been something entirely different. There was an openness between them that felt so natural. Steve would give up control to her one minute and then demand it back the next. Peggy felt bold with him and yet utterly undone all at the same time. 

She would never forget the look on his face as he stared at her from above with his hands on either side of her. Or how he had gazed up at her when she had turned the tables on him afterwards. The give and take was thrilling. Her toes curled at the memories and she quickly muffled the sound coming out of her mouth with the pillow. 

Peggy turned her head and exhaled. Then she spied a round object on the floor. 

_ His compass_. 

Peggy stared at it. She remembered the first time she had ever seen it, sitting next to Col. Phillips while watching a propaganda film from the field. _ That look on Steve’s face. _From hundreds of miles away, he had looked through her and said that she was the one without words —in front of the whole world. 

And then Peggy thought of last night. Seeing it again had been the first moment that she had dared to believe it could really be him. That compass always seemed to serve as proof of one truth or another. 

She leaned over and retrieved it. As she turned it around in her hand with reverence, Peggy marveled at where it had been in time and beyond. Like the man she loved, it had been to the future and to space. And had come back. To her. 

Then she felt a lump form in her throat. Steve had kept it with him all of these years. Her chest ached at the idea of him looking at her picture for thirteen years without hope. 

And yet, hadn’t she done the same? Separated by more than 70 years, Peggy had loved him just as he loved her. They had both held onto objects because it was all that they had left of one another. Their challenges had been different, but the hole in their hearts had been the same. 

_ A compass leads you to where you want to go. _ And his heart had led him back to her. She smiled at her romanticism. _ Alright Margaret, you’re feeling rather poetic this morning. _

Peggy opened it and stared back at the photograph of herself. What would she say to that woman? The one who had just begun to fight for a place in the world that mattered. The woman who had felt drawn to Steve from the beginning because of who he was — intelligent, compassionate, and brave. But that woman had also put off love because of what the chaos of the world demanded of people like them. The cost of that choice had shattered her.

Then Steve’s death had spurred her to continue her work no matter the odds. Now, his return was inspiring her to live.

Peggy took a deep breath and thought back at how bold she had been last night. Demanding that he stay, proposing that they marry, and bringing him back to this room. When she had told Steve that they had become who they were supposed to be, she had meant it — no matter the accompanying heartache. 

The last three years had made her even stronger and more determined than ever. Peggy would not be bound by challenges or convention. Nor would she put off her own personal happiness because of duty any longer. The thirteen years that Steve had spent in the future had formed him into a confident man willing to question authority — and to carve out a life for himself in this world beyond sacrifice. Those experiences would be as important as that time machine in forging a new life together. 

And so, if she could, she would tell that Margaret Carter that, someday, it would all be worth it. 

Peggy traced the shape of the compass, making a circle that ended where she started. Her mind went back to that conversation in the car so long ago. When Steve had been a slight of a man with a heart bigger than she had ever encountered. He had been so nervous but also disarmingly wise in his naïveté. 

Three words were seared in her memory: _ The right partner. _

Before anything else, that is what they had been to one another — partners. The only other person at Camp Lehigh who had understood what it was to be belittled for who they were. Then, Peggy had believed that he was meant for more. Steve in turn had believed in her cause enough to join it. Now they would face all of the challenges that his return would bring together.

Peggy smiled to herself as she recalled how that conversation had ended. For the first time in three years, the memory filled her heart with anticipation rather than loss. _ Of course. _

She placed the compass carefully on the nightstand and rose out of bed to get dressed.

There was something else that they had put off for far too long. And Peggy Carter was done with waiting until tomorrow. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He froze as soon as he made out the tune.
> 
> Haven't felt like this my dear
> 
> Since I can't remember when
> 
> It's been a long, long time
> 
> How could she … how could she know?

Well, it wasn’t quite like cooking in 2023. Aside from the lack of technology, it was apparent from the available supplies that Peggy Carter _never _ cooked. But darn if he hadn’t thrown together a respectable breakfast. Maybe he would stick to doing this while she ran SHIELD. Steve smiled at the thought. Honestly, nothing sounded better to him than that right now. 

Steve reveled in the uncommon ordinariness of this morning. The smell of coffee. The sound of kids playing outside. The woman that he loved was asleep in the next room. And she loved him back. It meant everything and yet it was so simple. 

Much in their future would not be. But he knew that with Peggy’s help, they would find a path forward. For now, no one knew their secret and it was just the two of them. No matter what, they had each other. 

Unlike the previous morning, Steve felt like waking up to a day without a mission was a gift rather than a void. This was what his friends had meant. A morning like this was what they had fought for — for everyone. His only regret was that it couldn’t be so for Tony and Natasha.

_ A simpler life. _Steve thought back to their time together at Clint’s home. He had just been tormented with Wanda’s visions of dancing with Peggy and her talk of going home. People were dying all around them. It was a nightmarish version of all that he had dreamed of and lost. And then he had been immediately confronted with the happy refuge of his friend -- filled with love and children. 

Tony had talked of going back to a life without fighting. At the time, Steve could not imagine what that would be without Peggy. Back then the fight was all he had. Tony had also asked him about his dark side. Being a man out of his time was the only dark side Steve had ever known. The one that drove him to listen to records in the darkness wallowing in what the passage of time had stolen. 

He had been unable to speak of his grief at the time. But shortly after, as they parted, Steve told Tony that the man who wanted all that -- stability, family -- was gone. Tony had known better. _ You’ll get there someday. _Steve smiled to himself despite the pinch in his heart. How Tony would have delighted in knowing that he was right. 

And maybe he had been destined to attain it all along? Steve laughed softly. God time travel made his head hurt. He thought back to those pictures in Peggy’s hospital room. _ What if I said that not knowing I had already seen the photographs of my children? _Steve shook his head at the irony. 

He would probably never know. And honestly, as long as he was with Peggy, it didn’t matter. Whatever was going to be, Steve was certain of only two things. First, that they would decide together. And, second, that he was finally exactly where he was supposed to be. 

Steve was about to bring breakfast to Peggy when suddenly, he heard music playing from the living room. 

He froze as soon as he made out the tune.

_ Haven't felt like this my dear _

_ Since can't remember when _

_ It's been a long, long time _

How could she … how could she know?

_ You'll never know how many dreams _

_ I dreamed about you _

_ Or just how empty they all seemed without you _

It was that song. The one that he used to play over and over in his lonely apartment, thinking of her. So much so, that it had been the first record a wounded Nick Fury had found on Steve’s phonograph that night everything went to hell.

He put a plate over the food and walked out to the living room. 

There was Peggy. In a red dress, once again perfect. _ Of course she didn’t sleep in. _

“I thought it was about time we had that dance.”

Steve faltered a bit. His mind went back to the last time they had spoken of a dance. The clock on the wall chimed. 

But for the first time instead of longing or grief, his chest felt full. Steve could finally stop raging against time. It had given her back to him. And right now, it felt like time was standing still for them. 

As Peggy stood before him, once again in a red dress, Steve knew what he was supposed to say next. But he feared that words would fail him. The dream that always represented everything that he had ever wanted was about to come true. He took a deep breath. 

“I still don’t know how.”

“You’re here. I’ll show you how.”

Peggy’s voice cracked a bit. She was smiling but her eyes glistened. Then she walked over to the phonograph and lifted the needle to start the song over again. 

At the first trumpet note, a lump formed in Steve’s throat. Peggy walked forward and caressed his cheek. Then she pressed her forehead to his. Emotion threatened to overcome them both. 

Peggy gently took one of his hands in hers and held it close to her heart. Then she stepped up to him and wrapped an arm around his back. He leaned into the feel of her palm to steady himself. Steve then pulled her close.

Without a word, Peggy began to sway to the music and he slowly followed her movement. Steve could feel her heart beating against his chest and he breathed in the sweet smell of her hair. Like with everything else, it took only a few moments to move together as one. 

Steve had always imagined this moment at a crowded dance hall after the war. Instead, it was just the two of them after a different kind of war. _ Life rarely happens as we imagine. _For so long, that truth had meant loss. Now, in this moment, it meant a joy that he never could have anticipated. As much as he had loved Peggy Carter back in ‘45, she was even more precious to him now. 

He closed his eyes and pressed his cheek against her. 

_ Never thought that you would be _

_ Standing here so close to me _

_ There’s so much I feel that I should say _

_ But words can wait until some other day _

Steve’s mind played back all of the times that they had talked of this moment. And how often he had sat alone in the dark listening to these words, dreaming of her. Now, he could feel the warmth of the morning sun pouring through the windows on the front porch. And he was in her arms, dancing at last. 

_ So kiss me once then kiss me twice _

_ Then kiss me once again _

Peggy looked up at his face and smiled, tears on her cheeks. He couldn’t help but obey the words. 

The song ended but they danced on. He heard the phonograph needle reach the end of the side. Breakfast was likely cold. None of that mattered. She was here and he was home.

“And how was that, darling?”

“It was beautiful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The name of the song is "It's Been A Long, Long Time" by Harry James and His Orchestra (1945). It is playing in "The Winter Soldier" when Steve Rogers finds Nick Fury hiding out in his apartment. And it is of course the song that Peggy & Steve dance to at the close of "Endgame." 
> 
> Thanks to all of you who went on this journey with me. This is the first fic I ever wrote. Something about the Steve & Peggy's story of loss, sacrifice and second chances moved me. I hope you enjoyed reading as much I loved writing it.

**Author's Note:**

> This story will explore what happened the day Steve Rogers went back to find Peggy Carter after the events of Endgame. It will respect film canon while also exploring the uncertainty as to which timeline Steve Rogers returned to per interviews with the writers and directors of Endgame (as well as teasers regarding what we could learn from the future Falcon and the Winter Soldier television series).


End file.
